Player: Matt
Nickname: "Matt-man"
Title: Mentor/"Adult Supervision"...yeah
Quote: "EEEEEEEH!!!!! You suck!"
Utinsil of Choice: unknown

     Matt Webster (not his real name) was born (or so he says) in an airport security locker, as his mother (still isn’t scientifically proven) was illegally immigrating from the repressive police state of Arizona (not a real place). Since the age of 4 "Matt" has been in the witness protection program after witnessing a particularly violent exchange between a catholic nun and a mime, both of which are still searching for him with evil intent. Once the mutant abilities kicked in, "Matt" began using his weird mental powers to convince people he knows what the hell he is talking about, and he used these bogus powers to land his current position of "Theatre Education Overlord and Supreme Malevolent WhoHa" at UNCCharlotte (not a real school, [but a real title - use it or face my annoying minions!] BwaaaHaHaHa!!). When "Matt" grows up, he wants to be the dictator of a small Western European banana republic like Japan, where he will force the population to create Blogs and tacky animae that sing his praises and minimize his flaws.

Player: Ian
Nickname: "Captain Buck Futter"
Title: Troop Leader/The Count of Monte Crisco
Quote: "Let's just check your shoe size... MEASUREMENT MONKEYS!!!!"
Utinsil of Choice: Shovel

     Ian Matthew Sullivan the First, Esquire is an indefinate senior at the Poison Ivy League school of UNCC. He is a Theatre Education major, aspiring to eventually lead other poor innocents down the path to the evil lord, Dionysus. He is the makeshift student leader of the Tablespoon Players, but Matt does all the real work. Ian hopes to one day become a decent improver, but knows it is impossible, because he doesn't even know the word for someone who performs improv... Improver?

Player: Adam J. Swanson
Nickname: "AJ"
Title: Yo Daddy
Quote: "Play the Game, Take the Journey, Roll the Dice, Show no Mercy."
Utinsil of Choice: Chopsticks

     AJ Swanson was born in the mountains of Florida and was raised by a small group of smurfs. They soon cast him in their local theatre where he was constantly being typecast for the larger roles, such as "The Giant" in Jack and the Beanstock and "Goliath" in David and Goliath. AJ soon was fed up with it and left, stepping on the bully smurf on his way out. He found his way to the city of Tampa and stayed at a local theatre and was adopted by theatre people, (Who were scarier then the smurfs). They encouraged him in his acting and he continued to do that into college. He forged a High School Transcript and got into UNCC were he continues his art in the theatre department there and in the Tablespoon of Talent Improv Troop.

Player: 534|\| "Sean"
Nickname: "Fabio"
Title: Hat Guy
Quote: "I'm saying stuff."
Utinsil of Choice: Shotgun. Oh wait, did you say utensil? I thought you said shooting people in the face.

     Sean is a rubix cube of comedy. All of the parts come together to form the perfect joke. Everything he says is funny, and a gift to all life in the known and unknown universe. Or that's what he would be like in an alternate reality. In all actuality he is the brother of Ian, and a fairly new student to UNCC. There's really nothing special about him in the slightest. We don't even know why he still comes to rehearsals. More importantly we don't know how he comes at all. Seriously, god knows how many times we've tied him up and thrown him into the river. He's like a goddamned Houdini! So if you see him around then do us a favor and kiss him with a brick and let him sleep with the fishes. For seriously.

Player: Kat
Nickname: "Kit-Kat"
Title: Troop Mouser, Web-Mistress
Quote: "Exactly what part of 'meow' do you not understand?"
Utinsil of Choice: Chopsticks

     Kat is a theatre major at the university (even if the university seems to think otherwise) and is considering a career as a professional student. She's dabbles in many different performing and visual arts, likes singing in foreign languages, eating sushi, drinking tea, and batting at catnip mice. In her spare time...wait...no...Kat has no spare time. Nevermind.


Player: Meg
Nickname: (nickname on backorder)
Title: Professional Audience Member/semi-Stage Manager...if we had a stage and things to manage...!
Quote: "Safe words are for wimps..."
Favorite TV Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the Musical Episode! :-D)

     Meg is an up and coming junior at the university. She started off as a Biology major and was brought over to the Dark Side of the Theatre Department last fall (how's that for a change of scenery? ...heh...theatre...scenery...get it...?). Meg is a busy, busy gal. Between classes, working in the scene shop, stage managing and various rehearsals, she's considering just bringing her pillow and blanky to the performing arts building and saving herself the walk across campus every morning. In what little free time she has, Meg enjoys singing everything from classical madrigals to broadway show tunes, or drooling over a Johnny Depp movie.

Player: Josh
Nickname: ::sniff:: No one cares enough even to give me a nickname
Title: Tiny Guy of the Group (hey, get your mind out the gutter -- I’m short)
Quote: "No Meg, don’t hit me, I was joking."
Utinsil of Choice: Flaming Duck of Doom (AFLAC)

     Joshua Ozro Lucero is a Philosophy and Religious Studies Major with no goals or dreams in life other than to someday be loved (awwww). Born at the amazing size of 5’5 and 130 pounds, he has yet to grow even the slightest bit since that day. One day while searching for his dignity, he wandered into the TBSP group and has never left since, despite being repeatedly requested to leave by every single cast member every single time he shows up. Some day he hopes to grow some talent so that he doesn’t have to watch Matt and Meg cry every time he tries to get on stage and perform.

Player: Chris
Nickname: (nickname on backorder)
Title: Self Proclaimed Fairy
Quote: "Earth Wind Fire! Back to the Shire!"
Utinsil of Choice: Flaming dildo shurikans

     Future President of t3h United Statesz0rz! His father a demon, his mother a jackal. He enjoys puppy dogs, rainbows, and rear-ending old people on the highway. 1/2 Yankee, 1/2 Southerner, and totally confused. Figures learning how to lie on his toes is the perfect training for his goal of being President (Yes, totally serious about it...Think Congress likes Knock-Knock jokes?)


Player: Bob
Nickname: dunno
Title: Good question
Quote: "[insert quote here]"
Utinsil of Choice: fingers

     As soon as the webmistress is given one, a profile for this player will appear. Until then, you get to guess. Lucky you!




Player: Bethany
Nickname: dunno
Title: Good question
Quote: "[insert quote here]"
Utinsil of Choice: fingers

     As soon as the webmistress is given one, a profile for this player will appear. Until then, you get to guess. Lucky you!